highways again..

I was on the highway again.. strange what thoughts get into your head on the highway.. even when you have company.. you don’t feel like talking.. or respond to the initiated conversation other people try to break the silence with.. may be its just me.. I don’t like talking in the early morning.. I much prefer being with my own thoughts.. especially on the highway..

You reach a point of being drawn in your own thoughts, that you don’t know whether your eyes are open or closed.. whether you are asleep and dreaming.. or awake and just going as far as your thoughts would take you..

The stream of thoughts.. the silence, is eventually broken.. when the highway ends.. and you get to wherever you are going..

Now that I’m in the comfort of my room, I hardly try to remember some of the thoughts.. any of the thoughts I had in the highway, but I can’t.. all I can remember is that they were deep, dark ones.. as all mu thoughts usually are.. but that is nothing to worry about.. tomorrow morning I’ll be on the highway again, and all the thoughts will come back.. I’ll try to hold on to some of them.. maybe even share few..

RaIn.. rAiN.. :)

don't you just loooove rainy days.. i know i do..

it was a miracle yesterday.. the rain

in the aggressive summer heat.. who would've expected so much rain..
for those who noticed, it only rained for 30-45 minutes in each area, but the amount of water coming down was unbelievable.. its like someone was opening the shower on its full range..

the day started like every other day..

suddenly clouds started hovering in the blue sky..

and before you know it, big.. round.. heavy drops of rain started falling..

then the shower was open for 20 "amazing" minutes..

afterwards.. everything just started to go back the way it was, as the rain clouds moved forward..

"thank you God" we really needed some rain to wash our tired souls..

i'm tired.. tired of watching people walk all over my life..

post

i don't know what to write.. i opened the blog.. closed it.. opened it again.. closed it.. and now again.. i so much need to write.. i just don't know what.. or where to begin really.. there are lots of things inside that don't know how to come out..
sometimes i really feel like screaming my lungs out.. cuz words are just not enough.. words won't do it..
don't you hate it when you have this feeling, yet you can't do anything about it..
the atmosphere is so overwhelming those days..
summers are so strange.. or should i say my feelings towards summers are very strange..
the longing to be somewhere else.. someone else..
the goodbyes to those who actually manage to do so..
getting stuck at work.. dealing with long.. hot.. dull hours..
melting into your job until you don't know where it ends and "YOU" begins..
and i'm becoming a drama queen now..
so sorry who ever read this
sleepless night are crazy ones

Father..

I got into the car today, going back home after a really busy day at work.. and all the 15minutes way back I was thinking about my father “may he rest in peace” I don’t know what brought the thought up.. but I was thinking about him and having that weird feeling like “is he really dead” even though it’s almost a year and a half since he passed away “I still get that weird feeling when I say passed away” even though it had been that long.. it feels like yesterday he was with us in the room talking about his trips and travels.. talking about forgotten distant family members.. talking about old times and the way they used to live….. it feels like only few hours ago when we all rush to the hospital after we woke up and knew he was taken to the hospital.. a stroke they said.. one week they said.. no hope they said.. yet we all survived for 4 years….. weird feelings.. a lost sense of time that mix up everything in your head.. it feels like only few seconds ago.. in the cold hospital room.. the annoying beeping noise of the monitors.. the hard breaths he heavily bulls.. the visitors we see good bye at the door. But not really with cuz all we can focus on is his chest going up and down.. very slowly… it was moments hard to live.. and still hard to remember…… weird feeling to hold his hand.. trying so hard to find his weak .. fading pulse.. lying to myself and wanting so much to believe my lie.. yes there is a pulse.. while there isn’t….. it feels like just a moment ago.. looking at his peaceful .. tired.. face .. for the last time.. never in my life have I seen someone with such a harmony with himself.. someone who had such a peace with himself..
How can all these feelings.. memories.. things…go through your mind in only 15 minutes.. how can only 15 minutes feels like years.. how can years feel like just a minute ago……. It’s really hard to miss someone so much.. someone you know you can’t see.. it’s really hard to have all these feeling and not know what to do with it.. or how to make it just go away, but then should it go away!!

I’m not an artist

Although my small room ache of the increasing number of paintings lying around and taking over most of the walls.. and the humble studio that keeps overlapping my living area.. I never think of myself as an artist.. I don’t think that I’m even an amateur … as far as I’m concerned, my paintings sucks.. because they are the manifestation of anger sadness depression and my blue everlasting mood, most of the times.. see some people, when they have a bad feeling they get it out on someone else.. or they write diary or they talk to a shrink or go to the sea and scream out loud.. being trapped in me.. all I can do when I’m in the blue is to paint… its rarely that I paint in celebration or because of happiness..
Therefore, my paintings all come weird dark and “to most people” just a non understandable crap.. I don’t care what other people think of my paintings.. it’s enough for me that I know what they mean..

A li’ll minority of them actually think I’m an artist “which is clearly a mistake” I don’t have a clue of art.. I only understand what I connect with.. they even say that I should have a gallery.. come on.. don’t they notice that I have no technique what so ever.. and all the stuff I do is no more than a clueless act of spilling paint over canvas.. do I dare calling it art!! Well I normally don’t care, and I would’ve if I really thought it is.. but the thing is that I don’t!!

People in grocery stores and hypermarket

Did it ever happened to you, when you go to buy your everyday groceries.. you enter the hypermarket and all the people walking by are just staring at you as if you are coming from Marc.. it’s very annoying.. they make you feel as if there is something wrong in you.. you start checking yourself..am I wearing cloth or did it slip my mind and I came naked.. am I wearing matching socks!!.. does my face have something on it… even if you have such a strong self esteem .. and even if you look them back as if saying “what!! What are you looking at!” deep inside your head, automatically you are wondering.. what is it!! What are they looking at!! Is something wrong with me !!

Having survived your way to the shopping baskets and between the isle, some people pass by you and stare again.. at you.. at the basket you are holding.. looking at what stuff you got.. and even though they already passed you, their eyes are still hung at your basket.. their heads turning to keep contact with your basket even though their bodies are way ahead..stupid people.. don’t you think!!

To finish up the grocery-shopping experience, you always seem to end up with the worst cashier in the market.. its either he/she has a big scary thing on their faces.. or their heads are strangely shaped (wait now, I’m not teasing, it’s all god creation, but isn’t it stupid to put such a person in this place.. it’s not fear for him/her and it’s not fear for the customers.. after all we are human and it’s our nature to look) or in worse cases you end up with a mentally challenged cashier.. it will take him/ her an hour to finish scanning your products..then another hour to put it in a bag.. then another hour to double check your change and finally give it to you..but let’s be fear.. sometimes you do get one of those good cashiers.. who’s only problem is that he is not feeling like working today.. in this case, you will go through the cashiering process much faster but you probably will come back to fight with someone..i think grocery shopping is very enriching experience

thank you..

i have never came around saying "THANK YOU" for a wonderful week we "almost" spent together.. it really was one of the best moments in my life.. how can i ever thank you enough..

loved watching movies with you :)

loved baking with you "you of course doing all the baking"

friends

have said it before..
and saying it again..

what a better way to start your day than having breakfast with your best friend :)

no matter how stupid, pessimist , dark person i might seem to be.. and no matter how obnoxious a lot of people find me.. and as much as a pain in the *** i think i am.. i always consider myself blessed "even if it was for once" to have such a great friend..
friends are such a great thing to have.. but not just any friends.. good, sincere, loyal, loving, amazing, "and i can go on until forever" friends...
these type of friends come of handy in every aspect of your life.. no matter what you do to them.. they stick around.. no matter what happens, they are always there for you.. and no matter how screwed up you are, they never give up on you and keep trying to fix you up.. yet another time..
they are the ones who love you when you hate yourself.. they look you in the eye and tell you that you are having a bad hair day.. they get you a gift for no reason at all.. they cheer you up when you are in the blue.. they through you a party just for the hake of it..

they are the ones you know you can annoy in the middle of the night to talk about something stupid that is not letting you sleep... they are the ones who you can be really truly yourself around.. they are the ones you are never afraid or embarrassed that they see you in your worst.. when you fall.. when you break down.. because you are sure they are not gonna laugh at you, but carry you up and hold you tight.. and assure you that you are still breathing..
they are ones you never appreciate enough.. "i know i don't".. no matter what you do for them you always feel like its nothing and they still deserve way much more than you did..

my mouth is running with me as usual.. i'm sure i'm bothering someone now.. anyhow.. i have the best friend ever and i wanted to brag about it :P


*i don't deserve you.. but thank god for you..

Escalators

I don’t know why but when I’m on the escalator I feel like it’s so slow.. and hardly moving.. Aren’t escalators supposed to be a faster way than just simply walking the stairs..
Is that my feeling or is it everyones.. may be its only me.. I run the stairs fast anyway.. but sometimes the stairs are stupidly allocated in the building that will take longer to reach.. so you have either escalators or elevators.. elevators are even slower because it will take you at least 5 minute waiting for it to arrive.. then if it’s too crowded or it gets crowded after you get in.. and all sort of people that gets in with you where most of the times you can’t just say “what.. hold on.. you are not getting on the elevator with me”.. “you would do it in a more polite way ofcourse”.. therefore, elevators are like 5 stories and above for me… anything less I will defiantly go for the stairs or escalators..
The thing with escalators is that, (the “steps” one) is scary to ride.. you just stop and wait.. thinking “ I’ll get on it now.. no.. on this one.. no.. ok now.. no..” until finally you get the guts to put your foot on a step.. “I always get scared of falling on my face”.. and since I think it’s slow I always attempt to start walkin on it while its moving.. and that is an easy thing, but the problem is that the steps are very big.. it feels like jumping and to do that in public would be…. You know..
My best choice is the belt escalator.. even though I feel like it’s the slower of them all.. its easier for me to walk on it and get to my destination faster.. most my friends and family doesn’t like the idea cuz they find the belt to slippery to walk on.. plus its so easy to lose your balance walking on a moving belt.. but I find quite a fun thing to do.. the only obstacle is when there are people blocking the way and won’t take a side to let you pass..

I never take the stairs or walk on escalators to exercise or lose weight.. and I think the “steps machine, or the stairs simulator, or whatever they call it” is a very stupid machine to buy or use in the gym.. walking.. hiking.. these are things I believe to be a sport, but walking the stairs!! Ok it may make you lose weight.. but I’ll never get it… imagine… buying a machine to walk stairs.. to nowhere!!!
And that’s only my opinion .. and if you don’t agree with me.. well.. to hell with you :)

updates..

there is lots of stuff that i wanted to write since my last post.. lots of pic's i wanted to share.. but i'm just too lazy..

isn't it just stupid... why to have a blog if you are too lazy to post!!

don't you just hate people like me.. i do !!

we are just a group of mentlly ill people who have nothing better to do in life but bother other hard-working people..

are you a hard-worker!

well... if you are actually reading me post.. that means you have the time and you are stupid enough..

it also means.. NO IDIOT you are NOT a hard-worker..

*don't mind my nice language, i'm in a self hate period...

*you can get the hell out now..

* seriously.. there is nomore to see..

Blurrrrrr...

everything around is just a blur...

i call it my blur-vision period..

i don't know, but it seems like i'm not getting anything in..

everything is just so stupid and black... blank..

Anger is an angel.. a dark one.. that take you and fly.. up high.. to dark skys..

just to drop you.. way below whatever you are..

i'm still makin' no sense, am I!!

my hands!!

the other day i ran into someone i know and she told me "and not for the first time" that my hands look boyish.. like boys hands.. i thought to myself "what dose that suppose to mean??!!" i mean is it an insult or is it a compliment.. whats wrong with my hands.. i think they look just fine.. for hands!! may be cuze i don't have long nails and stuff.. well.. i like my nails short and natural.. and whats wrong with boys hands (if she meant it as an insult) lost of boys take good care of their hands.. more even than some women does..
all that was going in my head for seconds before i said to her "well.. Thank you" and left her trying not to let my giggles be heard..

..

still missing you...

can't wait for our weekly lunch..

past few months..

i had lots of pictures that i took with the enttention of posting them here with certain thoughts in my head.. but since i never got around to doing that in the time i wanted to.. i sort of forgot everything that was in my head.. anyway.. here are some photos...

happy birthday to me!!

rainy day..

my pet fish.. "lived for only 2 days"

no comment :)

my POOH treasure..

happy valentain's everyone, and those non believers.. well we do love you too!!

Don't you just love new beginings.. umm.. actually NO!!

WoW

Radioactive!! in this part of the world!!!!!

miss you

Miss you alot..

and gonna miss you more..

life...

when i first started with his blog.. i thought to myself.. i'll upload every day.. or at least every week.. or if life was going really crazy every month.. by max, every month... well.. it has been 4 months since i last updated..
i have loads of pictures that i wanted to add..
i have millions of words i wanted to write..
millions of thoughts..

but i keep forgetting.... who cares!!!
its not like there are people who wait for my posts and can't wait to read what i write next..
i only do it to get it out there.. and to make the world a li'll more worse than it already is..

that thing..

Sometime ago I wrote that I wanted to write about something for quite some time.. " did that make any sense!!" I needed photo backup for it and now I have that, so there we go.

What is it with guys and car-stickers !! Why some of them like to put all those pictures of "sheikhs" or who ever.. I mean, yeah we do admire a good person and ruler, but do we need to put his face all over the car!!!
Or those who put their favorite football club logos and/or slogans… or silly cartons..
What really is that suppose to mean.. what is the msg it is sending..
Don't get me wrong here, I'm not teasing or trying to make a joke.. I really wanna know and understand!! One might think it’s a childish teenager work, but get shocked when see a middle-aged coming out of such a car..

"note: anyone who dare to refer to may tattooed phone, I'm telling you know.. I do have an excuse .. I'm Psychotic!!"

the first sunset

The first sunset of RAMADAN.. may it be glorious and holy for all of you out there and god bless you all.. :)



Because it came out sort of a sudden for the holy month to start today, last night all networks were jammed with everyone trying so hard to congrat. Everyone they know.. trying so hard not to miss a contact on their phones' address books
I could not help imagining "etisalat" people, though, clinkin' their mugs.. jumping up and down of happiness…….. or perhaps frustration.. :p
Have a great Ramadan you all..