blue zone

I thought of updating a lot lately.. I had lots of stuff to write.. pictures to share.. but.. each day.. when I get to that time of the day when I actually have the time to do things I want to do.. everything get so blue.. and all what goes through my mind is “who cares!!”.. those few times of the day.. when I actually can breath.. I find myself so down that its not even worth it to breath.. it had been really depressing lately.. even in the few moments that I manage to really smile.. and laugh from my heart.. I’d be thinking.. soon I’ll be back there.. in the blue zone..
What is really hard though.. is not showing anything.. being as calm and normal as you would usually be.. acting as your heart is happy and your mind is free.. convincing everyone “including yourself” that you are just fine..

Pathetic … isn’t it!!



Well.. some stupid pic’s might even it out..

my love :)

he is already over the lines!!!! where are people supposed to walk!!!!

i just took this so me and my phone would look the same :p

love colors..

going wild in public... miss you guys..

that was a bribe :P

that is the first drawer in my office desk

early raiser..

presents.. presents.. love presents..

more and more crazy thoughts

I still often think of jumping out my bedroom window.. my bedroom overlook the backyard of the house, which is very small for the term backyard.. then there is the fens and after that.. well .. nothing.. a big wide empty space.. “which is gonna become a mosque soon”..
The thing is.. since we live in a desert-used-to-be we still have small sand dunes forming every now and then when the winds go wild.. but for as long as I can remember, there was this big sand dunes behind the fens outside my window.. its so big that if you claim it you can jump into the house..

Each time I look out my window and see this dune.. I think to myself.. if I jump off the window I’ll fly far enough to land on this sand dune.. I never calculated the distance or the aerodynamics of such a jump.. and I’m mentally challenged when it comes on measuring distance based on my instinct or gut feeling.. yet.. I can’t help thinking “each time I see the sand dune” that I can do it.. that the jump will actually work.. that I will land exactly where I see it in my head..

But then…… its just me being the crzy person I know I am..

I wish I can do it sometime though..

more crazy thoughts..

Sometimes I wish that I’m alone in the entire world.. I mean physically.. like there are no people on the planet what so ever.. I think I saw a couple of movies with such a story.. but yet its not that what got me into making this wish.. I was sitting in the back seat of the car in my way to work early in the morning and all I could think of is “alone in the world.. alone in the world..” for some mystical reason I did not find it scary or intimidating…