fog..

yesterday morning i was heading to AD..
it was a cold morning.. just like every other morning..
quiet traffic.. nothing strange..
as we get further on the highway..
suddenly everything turned white..
fog was everywhere around us..
it was so thick we hardly saw the street anymore..
it was like we suddenly entered a cotton candy land..
even the other cars passing by.. we couldn't really see them..
they came out of the blue "or should i say white" and they disappeared in it again..
we drove for about 10 minutes in the fog and then.. the sky was clear again..
its like the fog was a white strip laid over the road..
it was amazing..

updates updates

i was cold to death..

Love the colors

Apples..

and Orangs..

snaks.. stearing our way back home..

some stuff just does not make any sense..

national day continuoes

national day

isn't it fun the way some people express their sense of nationalism :)

a while ago..

imagine walking on a path.. the path is your life.. you try as hard as you can to make the right decisions.. to take the right turns..

you keep on walking .. day by day..

you face some humps and some bumps on the road.. but you get through.. a hand help you every now and then.. you survive.. and you keep walking.. no matter how bad they hurt your legs.. the pain eventually go away and you might even forget it ever was..

but one day.. your foot get stuck between rocks.. in a small muddy hole.. you struggle to get out as you usually do.. but the more you try the more it hurts.. and sunk deeper..

the mud hole turn to quick sand.. and it start to suck you down.. you gasp for air try to calm down to slow the process.. you squeeze your brains out for a solution but you can't find any.. you try to seek help but people pass by you as if you don't really exist.. some of them even step on you as they walk and bush you deeper inside.. you think you are finished.. and the hole start getting in to you.. you feel like a part of its darkness when suddenly a hand grab your hand and start pulling you out..

with the hole sucking you.. and people bushing you.. only that one person try hard to get you out.. and you do get out.. well.. almost.. cuz the minute you get out you fall in again.. and people step on you again.. you feel like you won't get out this time.. you are stuck for good.. that will be your life from now on..

it will not get better.. nothing will ever..

ribbons..

from pink to gold.. and they just keep coming..
i guess i'll just get a rainbow ribbon and put it on all year long..

Forgive..

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. “
Mark Twain

I think Oprah once said, “its an act of power to forgive”, or something like that.. it is actually an act of power.. I do believe that.. it takes lots of courage to silence all the voices in your head that screams “revenge” and just simply FORGIVE…

Yet.. forgiveness is not a power that everybody possess.. and revenge is bitter.. as much as sweet it looks before you do it..

But when you are stuck in between.. when there is no way for you what so ever to revenge.. yet you can’t find the strength in your soul to forgive.. when you know that forgiveness is the right thing to do.. but you are too hurt to do the right thing.. what then!!


I really wish someone can give me an answer…

dig up's

<>Self Defining Moments:

when you discover that you are nothing you thought you are.. when it hits you.. that you are just simply.... NOTHING.

<>Far Far Away:

is not a place.. its a state of mind that you wish to reach by physically being removed from the life you are living.

<>Stupidity:

is that stage in your life.. that just goes forever.. when you feel so everything that ends with "Less".. yet you don't kill yourself.

Note: these definitions were configured long time ago, and yet some how still apply.

hate it..me

do you know how it feels like when you want so badly to do something.. but you can't.. not because someone is stopping you.. but because you are stopping yourself.. i know.. it sound stupid.. but sometimes.. things that you really really want to do.. things that you know will make your heart burst with joy.. come at a high price.. the price of putting your wishes above your responsibilities to others.. and so.. being the "better person" you are.. you totally blow off your heart desire.. and continue to take care of "things"..
don't you just hate being the "better person"..

i hate lots of stuff, don't i!..

getting better

the last few episodes of freej started getting better and we should give them credit for that, but i still believe that they can do even better..
may be the next 4 episodes hold a surprise for us.. who knows..

freej phenomena

first of all, Ramadan Kareem to all of you out there..

last year's hit was freej, everybody watched freej.. every single day of the fifteen episodes and the reruns.. day .. night.. after ramadan..people watched it with pride.. this is the work of uae local.. and a grin immediately follows.. we didn't only watch it for the fact that it was the idea and creation of one of us.. but also because it was so good.. each episode was funnier than the previous.. people actually memorized every word.. even children.. toddlers who still can't talk probably.. i mean who can forget the season finale "kam a5ar", it was so big that it was a rington and a bluetooth the second day of running the episode..

having gained all this fame and audience response, it was only normal that people were dying to see the second season this ramadan.. thinking of nothing.. expecting nothing but more fun than the first season.. but.. and at least for my shock.. this season is not that funny or interesting.. aside we are still in the first week, but aside from 2 episodes the rest is not fun and easy to forget.. the episodes had nice ideas, but they were not written well... they were dull, forgettable and sometimes i found it hard ,for me at least, to keep my eyes on the TV..because they got so up their with the first season, they should've paid more attention to what they show for the second season..i'm not criticizing just for the sake of criticsum.. but i really liked the first season and was hoping for much more fun this season.. and was shocked with what i saw so far..i really hope the coming episodes will be better.. i really hope so..

blue zone

I thought of updating a lot lately.. I had lots of stuff to write.. pictures to share.. but.. each day.. when I get to that time of the day when I actually have the time to do things I want to do.. everything get so blue.. and all what goes through my mind is “who cares!!”.. those few times of the day.. when I actually can breath.. I find myself so down that its not even worth it to breath.. it had been really depressing lately.. even in the few moments that I manage to really smile.. and laugh from my heart.. I’d be thinking.. soon I’ll be back there.. in the blue zone..
What is really hard though.. is not showing anything.. being as calm and normal as you would usually be.. acting as your heart is happy and your mind is free.. convincing everyone “including yourself” that you are just fine..

Pathetic … isn’t it!!



Well.. some stupid pic’s might even it out..

my love :)

he is already over the lines!!!! where are people supposed to walk!!!!

i just took this so me and my phone would look the same :p

love colors..

going wild in public... miss you guys..

that was a bribe :P

that is the first drawer in my office desk

early raiser..

presents.. presents.. love presents..

more and more crazy thoughts

I still often think of jumping out my bedroom window.. my bedroom overlook the backyard of the house, which is very small for the term backyard.. then there is the fens and after that.. well .. nothing.. a big wide empty space.. “which is gonna become a mosque soon”..
The thing is.. since we live in a desert-used-to-be we still have small sand dunes forming every now and then when the winds go wild.. but for as long as I can remember, there was this big sand dunes behind the fens outside my window.. its so big that if you claim it you can jump into the house..

Each time I look out my window and see this dune.. I think to myself.. if I jump off the window I’ll fly far enough to land on this sand dune.. I never calculated the distance or the aerodynamics of such a jump.. and I’m mentally challenged when it comes on measuring distance based on my instinct or gut feeling.. yet.. I can’t help thinking “each time I see the sand dune” that I can do it.. that the jump will actually work.. that I will land exactly where I see it in my head..

But then…… its just me being the crzy person I know I am..

I wish I can do it sometime though..

more crazy thoughts..

Sometimes I wish that I’m alone in the entire world.. I mean physically.. like there are no people on the planet what so ever.. I think I saw a couple of movies with such a story.. but yet its not that what got me into making this wish.. I was sitting in the back seat of the car in my way to work early in the morning and all I could think of is “alone in the world.. alone in the world..” for some mystical reason I did not find it scary or intimidating…

somewhere there..

The sweet smell of cigarettes smoke in a strange mix with the coffee smell and dim lights with the noise of people talks and coffee making in the background along with the music in my headphones..create such a unique atmosphere.. it’s like you are in a different place.. in a different country..


Strange are the things you see.. weird are the feelings you feel.. stupid are the thought you think of.. the only thing missing is you.. and your fun conversations ..


2 bold guys in the corner to my right.. a lonely weird women talking in the phone.. or playing with the phone.. I really can’t tell.. she looks local, but.. NOT.. she just look plain creepy..sitting all by herself at the table in front of me.. 2 guys right next to her in a deep conversation drinking juice “healthy”.. a local couple.. with kids.. laughter.. a British girl “I guessed by the accent” at the service bar.. god, she looks ***** from the back.. her pants are law waist, dropped down.. giving her 2 ***


A humongous mixture of multi nationality groups are spreading everywhere, making the few, but existing, locals a minority in their own place.. well.. maybe since the towers are more of a working offices and hotels.. rather than a shopping mall and dinning hall.. its quiet normal for the case to be just that..





if i was not going to post this blog i would've added more, but some things are just not for share.. and better kept for oneself.. and today is one of my sanity days so lets just call it a day before i mess things up..

if only you knew me!!

the other day i was watching re-run of a program that i only watch because i have nothing else to do..
but unlike every other time, this time the subject was interesting..
it was about racism.. and how people who don't know you can make up all bad expectations about you, but once they get to know you, they get shocked of how different you are.. from what they thought..
in this program, all the expectation were bad of course and raciest.. but after a "day in your shoes" they get to know that the other person is nothing different than themselves.. except for their skin color or religion.. etc..
during the whole thing someone said something like : if people knew me, they would know that i'm...... bla bla bla......

"if only you knew me" i guess if people i know really.. and i mean really knew me.. they'd be shocked.. of how different they'd find me .. from the me they thought they knew..

do i make any sense.. i don't think so.. and i don't mean to either..
my be its just my fever talking.. or the chocoholic damaged brain cells..




P.S: normally i would have a sensor to stop me from going that mad when i write, but she is not here.. so you can go ahead and blame her for stupidity i managed to write today.. but i have to warn you.. i can't tolerate and won't allow any thing to hurt her..

missing you

sometimes we take things for guaranteed... we forsake it

but when its gone.. even for a short while.. we realize who much we appreciate it.. how much we need it and how much we miss it...

this feeling get triple as much when we already appreciate what we miss..

highways again..

I was on the highway again.. strange what thoughts get into your head on the highway.. even when you have company.. you don’t feel like talking.. or respond to the initiated conversation other people try to break the silence with.. may be its just me.. I don’t like talking in the early morning.. I much prefer being with my own thoughts.. especially on the highway..

You reach a point of being drawn in your own thoughts, that you don’t know whether your eyes are open or closed.. whether you are asleep and dreaming.. or awake and just going as far as your thoughts would take you..

The stream of thoughts.. the silence, is eventually broken.. when the highway ends.. and you get to wherever you are going..

Now that I’m in the comfort of my room, I hardly try to remember some of the thoughts.. any of the thoughts I had in the highway, but I can’t.. all I can remember is that they were deep, dark ones.. as all mu thoughts usually are.. but that is nothing to worry about.. tomorrow morning I’ll be on the highway again, and all the thoughts will come back.. I’ll try to hold on to some of them.. maybe even share few..

RaIn.. rAiN.. :)

don't you just loooove rainy days.. i know i do..

it was a miracle yesterday.. the rain

in the aggressive summer heat.. who would've expected so much rain..
for those who noticed, it only rained for 30-45 minutes in each area, but the amount of water coming down was unbelievable.. its like someone was opening the shower on its full range..

the day started like every other day..

suddenly clouds started hovering in the blue sky..

and before you know it, big.. round.. heavy drops of rain started falling..

then the shower was open for 20 "amazing" minutes..

afterwards.. everything just started to go back the way it was, as the rain clouds moved forward..

"thank you God" we really needed some rain to wash our tired souls..

i'm tired.. tired of watching people walk all over my life..

post

i don't know what to write.. i opened the blog.. closed it.. opened it again.. closed it.. and now again.. i so much need to write.. i just don't know what.. or where to begin really.. there are lots of things inside that don't know how to come out..
sometimes i really feel like screaming my lungs out.. cuz words are just not enough.. words won't do it..
don't you hate it when you have this feeling, yet you can't do anything about it..
the atmosphere is so overwhelming those days..
summers are so strange.. or should i say my feelings towards summers are very strange..
the longing to be somewhere else.. someone else..
the goodbyes to those who actually manage to do so..
getting stuck at work.. dealing with long.. hot.. dull hours..
melting into your job until you don't know where it ends and "YOU" begins..
and i'm becoming a drama queen now..
so sorry who ever read this
sleepless night are crazy ones

Father..

I got into the car today, going back home after a really busy day at work.. and all the 15minutes way back I was thinking about my father “may he rest in peace” I don’t know what brought the thought up.. but I was thinking about him and having that weird feeling like “is he really dead” even though it’s almost a year and a half since he passed away “I still get that weird feeling when I say passed away” even though it had been that long.. it feels like yesterday he was with us in the room talking about his trips and travels.. talking about forgotten distant family members.. talking about old times and the way they used to live….. it feels like only few hours ago when we all rush to the hospital after we woke up and knew he was taken to the hospital.. a stroke they said.. one week they said.. no hope they said.. yet we all survived for 4 years….. weird feelings.. a lost sense of time that mix up everything in your head.. it feels like only few seconds ago.. in the cold hospital room.. the annoying beeping noise of the monitors.. the hard breaths he heavily bulls.. the visitors we see good bye at the door. But not really with cuz all we can focus on is his chest going up and down.. very slowly… it was moments hard to live.. and still hard to remember…… weird feeling to hold his hand.. trying so hard to find his weak .. fading pulse.. lying to myself and wanting so much to believe my lie.. yes there is a pulse.. while there isn’t….. it feels like just a moment ago.. looking at his peaceful .. tired.. face .. for the last time.. never in my life have I seen someone with such a harmony with himself.. someone who had such a peace with himself..
How can all these feelings.. memories.. things…go through your mind in only 15 minutes.. how can only 15 minutes feels like years.. how can years feel like just a minute ago……. It’s really hard to miss someone so much.. someone you know you can’t see.. it’s really hard to have all these feeling and not know what to do with it.. or how to make it just go away, but then should it go away!!

I’m not an artist

Although my small room ache of the increasing number of paintings lying around and taking over most of the walls.. and the humble studio that keeps overlapping my living area.. I never think of myself as an artist.. I don’t think that I’m even an amateur … as far as I’m concerned, my paintings sucks.. because they are the manifestation of anger sadness depression and my blue everlasting mood, most of the times.. see some people, when they have a bad feeling they get it out on someone else.. or they write diary or they talk to a shrink or go to the sea and scream out loud.. being trapped in me.. all I can do when I’m in the blue is to paint… its rarely that I paint in celebration or because of happiness..
Therefore, my paintings all come weird dark and “to most people” just a non understandable crap.. I don’t care what other people think of my paintings.. it’s enough for me that I know what they mean..

A li’ll minority of them actually think I’m an artist “which is clearly a mistake” I don’t have a clue of art.. I only understand what I connect with.. they even say that I should have a gallery.. come on.. don’t they notice that I have no technique what so ever.. and all the stuff I do is no more than a clueless act of spilling paint over canvas.. do I dare calling it art!! Well I normally don’t care, and I would’ve if I really thought it is.. but the thing is that I don’t!!