that thing..

Sometime ago I wrote that I wanted to write about something for quite some time.. " did that make any sense!!" I needed photo backup for it and now I have that, so there we go.

What is it with guys and car-stickers !! Why some of them like to put all those pictures of "sheikhs" or who ever.. I mean, yeah we do admire a good person and ruler, but do we need to put his face all over the car!!!
Or those who put their favorite football club logos and/or slogans… or silly cartons..
What really is that suppose to mean.. what is the msg it is sending..
Don't get me wrong here, I'm not teasing or trying to make a joke.. I really wanna know and understand!! One might think it’s a childish teenager work, but get shocked when see a middle-aged coming out of such a car..

"note: anyone who dare to refer to may tattooed phone, I'm telling you know.. I do have an excuse .. I'm Psychotic!!"

the first sunset

The first sunset of RAMADAN.. may it be glorious and holy for all of you out there and god bless you all.. :)



Because it came out sort of a sudden for the holy month to start today, last night all networks were jammed with everyone trying so hard to congrat. Everyone they know.. trying so hard not to miss a contact on their phones' address books
I could not help imagining "etisalat" people, though, clinkin' their mugs.. jumping up and down of happiness…….. or perhaps frustration.. :p
Have a great Ramadan you all..

strange..

strange are the things we would do as kids, but never ever think of doing as grown ups.. as i was shopping today i spot a kid.. a big one.. a li'll over 12 i guess.. he was wearing a "superman suit".. i mean com'on... superman!!! in a giant hypermarket!! the funny thing is, he was wearing sandals in his feet.. on top of the socks like part of the suite.. "even as a kid, i don't think i ever did such stupid things".. i think this kid was "over" confidant with himself..


i don't feel like eating at all... not even chocolate.. which mean something seriously is wrong.. me!! not eating chocolate!!..

i had some orange juice in my orange "pooh" cup, which is a li'll strange... i rarely drink juice.. especially in my "kids" "pooh" cup..

i know now how did i lost my way to fantasy land.. how did my imagination shrank.. i think i knew all along i just did not want to admit it.. but somehow now i did..

are you wondering how!! well.. i don't feel like writing this now, besides.. you all now..

Baaghooghaa..

how can some people be so cruel and mean..
how can they rip your heart out and step on it..
how can they forget..
and yet..
be so shameless about it..
how can they!!!!!!!???

*Baaghooghaa= Ba3o'6ah= Mosquito

posted for "spunwithtears" thursday challenge

Science proved it..

Finally, science proved it.. I'm a depressed, sick, psychotic, crazy, maniac, perfection freak with lots of behavioral problems , anxiety, and suicidal thoughts...
DAAAUH!! like i did not know that before..

anyone up for free analysis!!

do you know how you know but you really don't know until you know..!!

republished for (spunwithtears) thursday challange

SunSet..

Do you notice how everything get pale before being dark after the sunset…

Everyday I take the some road home… that long road… from the left it looks like a normal place… houses, trees.. people walking on the side-walks ..
However the right is a different world.. endless desert .. that reach as far as you can see.. and a high-way lights appear lined up with the horizon..
The sun disappear from the sky yet some fading light is still there.. with an orange glow that only adds to its charm..
With this glow, the high-way lights' bars seems to become invisible and all you can see is the bluish orange sky… pale orangey sand dunes…. And small shiny light dots..

I see it almost everyday.. yet everyday is different.. everyday an new sunset..

me and my thoughts..

Don't you just hate that feeling when something or someone gets on to you and you seem to loss your ability to think for a moment… you just go into blank heads world and by the time you snap back out of it you find out that its over… and you have not said a thing.. you were completely helpless in face of this thing, but still yet you can't get it out of your mind and you go hide in your bed but you can't sleep you just toast and turn with a million things in your head.. things you could've said earlier .. you shout at yourself and you blame it for not coming up with all that when it should've…
Dose that feel bad…
Well…
Do you know what feel even worse… when you get annoyed by something or someone and your head give you all the things you should say... and you just stop yourself from saying anything or getting your zingers out …. You say nothing at all … you just smile and hum aha.. because you know if you said them you will just upset more people… and mostly yourself..
But when you have it all in your head, yet you don’t say anything, you hide in your bed and you don't sleep… you just toast and turn shouting and blaming yourself for being stupidly good.. or just blain stupid..

You know what feeling I really hate…. What I really hate is no matter what I do or not do, no matter what I say or don't say.. at the end I'll toast and turn in my bed and blame me for it all… what I really hate is that fact that nothing I do .. I actually like.. or agree with..

Do you think I'm complicated !!!
Do you think I'm going bananas..!!!
Don't you just hate me..

sticky thoughts..

For days now.. for days I've been trying to get that thought out of my mind.. But all I can do is think of it!!
Like old songs that somehow we start humming and we just can't stop.. we keep murmuring it and wondering why we do it…
Don't you just hate it when something like this happens to you.. not the song.. I mean the thought!! It becomes just like a very long sticky strip of a scotch tape that get scrambled on your fingers and you can't seem to get rid of it.. you remove it from one hand just to stick it on the other one!!
Drives you CRAZY, isn't it!!
It kills me..
can someone get me chocolate..

what more is there!!!!

when you lose you..
when you lose everything and "everyone" that reminds you of you..
when you lose the color of life...
what more is there..

i told you before, i suck at being alone!!

i wish i could do something like that, my own Graffiti art piece on the outdoors..

Enter-Emirates roads “highways”

Strange are the things you see driving “being drove” through a high way.. the journey itself I think is pretty interesting.. or maybe I thought that cause I was going with a group.. but sort of with myself.. so I had nothing but me, the music in my ears, and the long road..

I had only 1 hour 15 minutes to cross about 137KM. I left late and hopped I’ll get to my meeting in time driving with a driver that already seems bored of the road..

It’s strange how the roads is sided with lovely.. green.. long trees.. but if you peek in between .. you notice the endless desert.. as far as the horizon.. dark orange.. golden where the sun had burned it most..

Its strange how these dune with dark orange color transform passing by all different shades until it finally get to pale yellow.. sort of creamy white as you get closer to the coastal areas..

Its strange when a car come closer to yours.. and you try not to look, but you can’t help noticing the small.. amazed.. faces.. with stupid or crazy smiles.. staring at you.. making funny faces..((how can such a small car take all these “devils”.. Oops!! I mean “angels” inside it)) you wonder inside you..

Its strange how you pass by a sign that say “ bla.. bla.. bla.. woods” and all you can see around you is a desert and a group of shade less, small, not more than a meter long little poor trees planted in raws.. and the whole thing looks like old doormat..

It’s strange the ad’z you see all the way long.. adz for products I have never heard of.. or for products I know for the first time that they make adz for..

Its strange how Big the signs for those adz are.. yet how “small” are the signs that says: “ la tansa theker allah”

This and that.. here and there .. and I keep watching the road .. moving my eyes every now and then between my watch and the short cornered signs that tells how far you are..

And I finally get there.. on time.. only to discover that the meeting was not worth the while.. however, seeing an old friend make up for it.. and make the trip worth while..

Its strange how you go places and see people.. and suddenly you discover a new face to it.. you discover that, even though you have been throw the road million times.. but for the first time you actually notice the road..

i'm dead !!

I'm dead.. I feel dead.. how can I really say that..
or how can anyone as a matter of fact..
cuz unless I died and came back to life again,
how on earth would I know how "being dead" feels like….

Still yet I keep saying it.. I feel dead.. I am dead..

I guess since death is opposite to life.. dead versus alive.. its ok to say it..
When you lose the essence of life.. when your feelings does not match " alive" anymore.. when you lose the interests the things that make you feel alive..
The only thing that you can think of is the opposite.. the only feeling you recognize.. "you think" you recognize.. is dead..

I feel dead.. I am not alive.. I'm dead..

stupid people are all around..

its hard enough being angry, to add dealing with stupid machines...
its hard enough being angry, to add the feeling that you lost the words that meant your feeling..
the re do is never the same.. we are only humans.. at least i think i am..

Version 1.
i've been wanting to write about something.. its more of a question than it is something i want to say... however, i need some good supportive pic's to put with it.. i did not take them yet.. no time..
there are loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooots of stupid people in the world.. especially mine.. or its just me..i haaaaaaaate those stupid people who think they are allowed to do certain stuff to people, yet no one else is allowed to it.. especially to them... i hate those stupid people who think they know everything there is to know about some stuff, while they actally don't have the first clue about it..i hate myself when i get angry... i'm fine with being upset.. or depressed.. or even in pain... but i hate me when i'm angry.. anger gives me the strength and well to........... kill..
i need to go away.... far far away....

Version 2.
i've been wanting to write about something for quite sometime now.. its more of a question that i want to ask than something i want to say... but i need to take some photos to support my point.. i'll take them soon.. i hope..
there is lot of stupid people in the world..... especially mine.. i hate those people who think its ok for them to do stuff to people, but no one else is allowed to do them, especially to them.. i hate those who think they know all there is to know about certain thing, when they actually don't have the first clue about it... i hate those stupid people who make me angry.. i hate me when i'm angry..i'm fine with being upset... depressed.. or even in pain... but not angry.. i can't handle anger.... anger gives me the strength, and well to....... kill..
i need to get away... far far away..

updates..

i have been wanting to update for quite sometime now, but i did not have the well to do it..
you may call it lack of inspiration... i just call it laziness..
i'm the most lazy person i ever known.. and i don't think its all bad, but that is to talk about later..

don't you just hate it when in the day.. hour.. moment that you wish.. you hope.. that everything go right, everything just get soooooooo messed up that you feel like you want to die in that single moment and never see the sun shine anymore.. you work for a long time.. very long time.. to perfect this single moment in all the ways you can, yet.. everything seems to get together in the sake of destroying your plans.. everything get messed up.. and even crying does not make you feel better about it..
don't you hate such a day..

ice experience..

once i put my foot on the ice...ummm... its like i enter a different world
its like once i'm there, its only me and my cold breaths..
and the smoke coming from the newly washed ice
i feel lighter..
i feel faster..
as if all the things that bother me and set as a heavy load on me disappear..
its like everything i worry about, does not matter any more.. i slip on the ice so smoothly i feel like i'm flying
when I'm on the ice, its like everything suddenly make much more sense..

even when its not just simply skating.. even when itÂ’s a game.. tough and rough..
when you are up there, and looking at us from you seat .. seeing us all speed and break.. and thinking its too fast for you
to keep track of who is who..
its not that fast down here.. its like everything is going in slow motion.. you stand there in your position keeping an eye on the small black disk.. and in the same time trying to see everything around you in one big image..
you see youropponentt as he slowly pass by you, trying to take a better place.. your place.. your victory.. and your eyes meet.. you don't know what sort of feelings go through you..
for a moment there you both just stare..
and the smoke coming from your heavy breaths.. blind in one white cloud..
you look back at the puck .. and they shot...
the slow motion movie end up here..
and the dance begin..

when i count my blessings, i always count you twice

Love.. unconditional love..

To love is to care.. to give.. to be there.. to feel.. to sacrifice.... to do things with out a moment of thinking or hesitation.. and after you are done.. you think about it and you know for sure that if you went back and had to do it all over again .. you will.. just like the first time..

to love is to feel blessed for having your loved ones in your life ..
to love is to always think of them first..
to love is to give without thinking of anything in return..
to give them your place in a loooooooooong q..
to save them a set in a crowded place..
to give them your last piece of chocolate, even if it was your only..
to put a smile on your face while you listen to them talking and talking and talking for hours non stop.. whining and weeping about stupid stuff..
to love is to appreciate the smallest things..
to love is never to say "I told you so"..
to love is to have someone to tell you, you are pretty in your worst days..
to have someone telling you "everything will be just fine" when you feel like everything is going wrong and pulling you down..
to love is to have someone to look up to..
to love is to have someone that fills the emptiness in your soul..
to love is to have someone that makes you whole..
to love is to have someone that makes you a better version of you..

thank you for being all that and more.. i hope i had been a l'll of that to you..

chocolate break

busy days.. loads of work.. stuff you do.. stuff you try not do.. stuff you delay as much as possible..
swamped with papers.. notes.. msgs..
do that.. call CEO of gods know what.. send files to hill.. and don't forget your meetings..
i still don't remember how many committees i'm in :S

couldn't they make one for me that say, "pleeeeeeease Do Disturb" , someone please cut my thoughts stream.. someone take me away from here..

my phone got tattoo :)

when i have soooooooooooo much work to do, and deadlines to meet.. i feel like running away and painting.. most creative ideas come when you have no time for creativity.. if i don't seize the moment, it will be gone.. especially that i have a memory of a gold fish..

yes i did sketch on me phone.... yes i am crazy, have you just realized it???!!!

poohweeeeeeezzzz..

i don't want my head.. my brain.. someone please take it.. take it away.. i don't want it.. it mess up everything.. i can't get it to stop... this voice in my head..
i keep thinking and thinking.. non stop.. i wish it would stop..
i'm not smart, so why won't that stupid head stop working..
i don't want to know anything.. do anything.. think of anything..

BUT.. i always forget.. that my wishes NEVER come true..

apologies

i apologize for the mess-spelled nickname " Lonewolf" ... everyone out there... people.. people.. its NOT a capital "w" ok..
dear friend's freind, please do accept the apology, and thank you for agreeing with me, that what i say does not make any sense..

i miss rain..

its not fare that words can be so limited.. so restrained.. they mean what i want to say, but they don't even come close to describe the feeling...
when i say i miss you.. you don't really know how much i miss you.. you don't know how much meaning .. feeling.. that word carry..
its like feeling soooooooooooo sad, yet can't cry.. it hurts.. really hurts..

why everything have became so helpless to what i feel.. words that i say.. things that i write.. tears that i cry.. everything fail to describe what i feel.. have i gone so hard.. or so much..

Thank You..

i liked what you wrote a lot , even though it wasn't what i expected or thought of when i asked you to write.. i thought you would write a crazy nonsense such as the stuff i write.... but i forgot one important fact, which is that you are a perfectly sane normal lovely, very very lovely, smart real person. while i'm in the other hand, ...umm.. lets just say.. coming from a different planet.. and still working my way to be a li'll like you..
i would like to thank you for your lovely contribution it meant the world to me.. you didn't have to write all those nice stuff about me, you could've wrote the truth :P but really really thank you.. thank you for comin here every once and a while to refresh your mind with a li'll of my crap.. i would like to thank all your friends whom also visit here from time to time.. can't keep track of all of'em :P "just teasing" but would like to thank LoneWolf.. the name i hear much often along with my blog in one sentence..

we do have fun together.. lots of it.. if i could take a picture of each and every moment of fun we had and having, i would have my room full of pictures.. up to the sealing..

thats enough about other people, back to me.. remember, thats my blogspot.. mine, me, moi only.. the instant headache that you get as you step into my world.. the feeling that you lost something really important but you just can't remember what.. the itch in your hand to touch something that is forbidden for you to touch.. the sense of fearing death yet so badly wanting it...
Do i make any sense??!! no!! well there you go... moi..

well.. i don't know what to write.. it's just that we had fun yesterday .. we went out and it was really amazing.. i really enjoyed my time with her caz she's wonderful person and one of my best friends :)

Yours
FtOoOny

what sadness brings rain

where did i hear that.. i'm sure its not mine.. even though i would've loved for it to be mine..
i'm sure if i squeezed my brain to the last drop of memory i will remember where have i read it.. but i don't have the strength to do that now..

strange feelings i have about rain... i don't remember having them before.. why do i have them now!! i don't know...

Have something happened for me in a rainy day that made me have special feelings for rain!! i don't know....

all i know is that i miss rain so much.. and i almost fly of happiness when it rains..

it did rain today.. light drops... i thought may be cause i mentioned it so much it actually visited me.. i walked in the rain.. bare foot.. in my summer pj's.. feeling the cold breeze.. the small droplets of rain on my face.. on my lips.. such a sweet taste..

i had to go inside eventually.. and the rain stopped.. but i still hope it will visit again.. may be tonight.. may be tomorrow morning.. i still hope it will..

sometimes i really do believe that my crazy thoughts does bring rain.. my sad thought.. my mad thoughts..

meetings.. meetings.. and more meetings... like we don't have stuff much more important to finish..
we spend the first half an hour waiting for the chairperson to arrive "how nice" and we spend another half an hour saying our hi's and how do we do's.. then we discover that we only have half an hour left.. cause the room is reserved for an other meeting in half an hour..

pointless..

at some point you realize that everything you say or do is worthless as long as its only you who listen or see.... lately it have only been me..............

Sadness.. Madness..

"The night fall....
a tear crawl.....
down my face....
leading the trace.....
for much.. and more....."


sometimes i feel something or something happen and i react to it... and the words start coming in my head.. i think of saying it to the person that should hear it... or write in here may be it will get through.. but i end up putting all those feelings.. all those words in the little pink notebook.. where no one can get to it... or shall i say where it will get to no one...

Anger..

out of my mind

i wan't to write... i just don't know what to write..
i'm disconnected with me..

In The Memory Of My Beloved Father May He Rest In Peace

Yes he is gone..........
But he is never away..........